Secrets of a Spiritual Feminist (part 1): Women, Sex, God, Relationships, & Life

(Note that sexual observations are made from a heterosexual point of view, because that is the only experience I have on which to base these observations.)

1. Sex is incidental to attraction. Sometimes women make love to men they find incredibly breathtakingly handsome, but other times they choose a man who is not. As a matter of fact, quite often they will choose someone who is not, which for some reason surprises people. Sometimes ‘safe’ is better than the other option; and sometimes it might have to do with a challenge or personal insecurities, though women often won’t recognize or admit that this element exists. It doesn’t help that our society and the media have given the undeserved label of ‘bad boy’ to the handsome men of the world. (Oh, those scoundrels, easy on the eyes, hard on the heart.)

2. Attraction encompasses something otherworldly, something intangible, something unspoken. I have no idea why I found R.K. attractive in ninth grade. I have no idea why I worshipped someone who treated me badly, was rude and obnoxious, someone who delighted in proving on a daily basis his superiority and his dominance of this…this what?…in ninth grade, idolizing someone from a far, or at least across the room, couldn’t possibly be considered a relationship. At any rate, this exemplifies woman’s downfall, our Achilles heel. It’s one big fat reason that we let men– and relationships– get the best of us. Damn, we have to learn to suck it up and be in control of our hormones instead of our hormones being in control of us.

3. Women like to be on top, and not just where sex is concerned. Just as the demon goddess, Lilith, Adam’s first wife, is reputed to have fled the coop because of this innuendo, so women ‘fly the coop’– abandoning relationships, homes, families, and careers, because of an innate desire to rise to the top, figuratively speaking. When not given this opportunity, we will seek it elsewhere. It is a constant life-long quest. (Strangely enough, when men are driven this way it’s considered *Ambition*; when women are driven this way it’s considered *Obsession*)

4. Women don’t always like other women: fat women dislike skinny women; homely women dislike beautiful women; puritanical women dislike the hot and sexy sexually liberated woman (their name for her is whore). Women band in groups to dislike another woman or group of women– it’s true, you know, that there is strength in numbers. And when women get together to do their evil best to down a fellow member of the female sex, it can be every bit as brutal, deceitful, and bloody as the most vicious fist fight among men. (Although the ‘bloodiness’ is more figurative than literal, and the wounds go much deeper.) I can’t help but feel that jealousy plays into our lives far more than we are aware, or far more than we are willing to admit, even to ourselves.

5. God sucks. The patriarchal stereotypical testicular god of the so called ‘mainstream’ world societies, that is. He is also a trouble-monger, a spoiled brat, and totally impotent when it comes to just about everything. In the face of what people consider ‘His creation’, he’s like an inept husband who doesn’t know which end of the screwdriver is which, a guy who has to call someone to take care of every piddly little thing that goes wrong around the house; except that he, or “He”, doesn’t seem to have anyone to call, so the world goes to hell in a hand basket while he calmly states that it is ‘his will’– (yes, dear, I meant for the north wall of the house to collapse, I meant to remove that support beam…it was my will) Ya, right.

6. I hate it when I want to send an email to a female friend and she shares an email address with her husband. Typically it’s older women who do this. I’ll send them girly things anyway; I figure if their husbands don’t want to get my emails they’ll either give their little woman permission to set up her own email account, or they’ll block me (and one did). I always suggest that these women get their own account, though I haven’t seen this happening, and I don’t understand it at all. One woman I know of is basically computer illiterate and her husband gave her the idea that it was “Her Fault” the computer froze up, rant and rave, rant and rave…so of course, now she’s scared to death to touch the damn thing at all– and I have to wonder, cynical ole’ me, if maybe this isn’t what he was hoping for.


Sandra Bullock: A Victim of the Monogamy Myth

We’ve all heard on the news about the breakup of Sandra Bullock and her husband Jesse James due to an extra-marital affair.


The news was surprising, some say shocking—but I wouldn’t rate it in this category, and most of all sad.  Sad because the disruption of this relationship affects not only the adults, but the children involved.  This turn of events will rattle their security, their home-life, and change the landscape of their lives.


Jesse James will be labeled the villain in this unfolding drama and rightly so if he was practicing deceit and deception.  The woman he is involved with, often referred to as “the tattooed lady” with a disgusting sniff and expression of contempt, will also be vilified—we haven’t’ gotten too far past the mentality of Nathaniel Hawthorne and “The Scarlet Letter”.  Hopefully no one will drag this woman out to the town square and brand her body with an “A”.


This very same drama is played out thousands of times all across the country, no—all over the world, but because the couples aren’t well-known celebrities, their experience is contained to the people directly involved.


Human beings are not naturally monogamous.


With the advent of Christianity and its mythology, there came the idea that the state of marriage would involve one man and one woman who would be with each other for the rest of their lives, and they would exclude all other people as sexual partners.


This was a new concept.  Up until then sexuality was embraced for what it is—a natural function, a deep-seated physical instinct, sometimes a sacred act, a physical show of love between two people, sometimes a group adventure, and often times something that was done for the pure enjoyment it brought.


Then the world took a sudden and some would say dark turn.  The Roman Church sought to squelch all that is human and spontaneous.  It sought to make us feel ashamed of the female form; ashamed of most bodily functions; it vilified women and blamed them for the wanderlust that made men lose control; it made the charge that women were the reason evil was brought into the world; and it sought to control very personal aspects of people’s lives—and this included their sexuality and their personal relationships.


And here we are, in modern times, still struggling with these concepts. 


What does this have to do with Sandra Bullock and her husband? 


She can look at this predicament in two ways:


First, not every couple is meant to be together for the rest of their lives.  I believe that we are meant to be with a particular person during a particular phase of our life for a variety of reasons—but not necessarily forever.  People change, their circumstances change, and emotions metamorphose.  Relationships often come to natural conclusions; they run their course, with or without extra-marital affairs.  Lessons are learned, new experiences are filed away, and we move on, hopefully gaining some personal growth and wisdom in the process.


This is one way to look at this situation- the couple’s time together has come to an end, the reasons karma brought them together in the first place have played out.  It’s time to retreat for personal reflection and healing and to move on.


The alternative ending, one that I doubt very much to be feasible, is the fact that monogamy is not a reality will be accepted, discretions forgiven, new boundaries set for the future, and a continuation of the marriage could resume, albeit set in a new form.