A gentleman once handed me a citrine stone, telling me that it would ground me, calm me down, make the atmosphere feel more settled.  I stood in open-mouthed disbelief as he plopped a beautiful polished citrine crystal in the palm of my hand.  I wasn’t so surprised at his concern or his kindness, I was more in disbelief over his choice of a stone.  For me, citrine is not something that has any of the properties that it was being praised for.  I mostly use citrine to enhance my psychic abilities.  If I want a stone that’s going to calm me down, I use rose quartz or blue lace agate.  If I wanted a stone to ground me, I’d use smokey quart or hematite.

I opened my mouth automatically, ready to correct him, but in a split second, thankfully before any speech left my mouth, I thought better.  This man was obviously talking from his own experience, and if he found citrine to be calming and relaxing, who the hell was I to tell him otherwise.

How often have we been told that we’re doing something “wrong”?  How often have we told someone else that they’re doing something “wrong”?

Whether we’re talking about stones and crystals, magickal oils, spells and rituals, reading the cards, or any other magickal undertaking or creation, it’s just like telling a cook in their own kitchen that they’re cooking “Wrong”.  Who has a right to do that?  And if we’ve never done something the way another individual does, how do we know that it doesn’t work?  Maybe it wouldn’t work for us, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for them.

Where does this attitude come from in the pagan world?  Is it a hold-over from mainstream backgrounds that most of us have, the Judeo-Christian world of rules and regulations, do’s and don’ts?

• Maybe a lot of us are subconsciously still trying to fit our old religion into the new one, especially those of us who might be fairly new to the pagan path.
• We need to realize that not all pagans are alike, and all the correspondences we read and absorb from the multitude of pagan authors out there are not written in stone.  You have to find what works for YOU, whether it works for someone else or not.
• Stop ignoring your own instincts and that little voice in your head.  You KNOW when you’re doing something right and you KNOW when you’re not.  Experiment.  Go with your gut feeling.  And then bask in your own unique individual magickal and spiritual successes.
• Does the cat have your tongue?  When someone is spiritually bullying you into doing something the way they do, whether it’s using particular ingredients for something, or stones, or crystals, or looking at a certain tarot card in their way… Speak Up!  Be firm if you have to.  Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion and stick to your guns!
• Stop automatically accepting the information you’re reading in all the books and websites out there and start doing some experimenting on your own.  Nothing bad is going to happen.  You’re not really going to turn your neighbor into a frog, or cause the world to stop spinning.  People who warn you against your own individualistic spiritual practices are either insecure themselves and afraid to peer outside the box, or they like the feeling of superiority it’s giving them when they tell you how something should be done.

The next time someone has the ballsy audacity to tell you you’re doing it wrong, how are you going to respond?